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Is Your Guard Up or is Your Hand Out?

Posted on | June 15, 2010 | No Comments

There is a demo I have done several times over the years to demonstrate how your attitude can affect others. It is very easy to do and always brings the same conclusion. Here is how it works:

I call up a person to the front of the room and ask them if they will give me their first reaction to my action. After they agree, I step towards them put my guard up in an aggressive fashion. Inevitably, they respond by putting their guard up as well.

Next, I have them put their guard down and once again ask them if they will give me their first reaction to my action. After they agree, I extend my hand out in friendship. They always respond in turn.

Then, finally, I ask them to put their guard up. When it is up, I extend out my hand in friendship. They always give me a blank stare followed up with a handshake.

Is your guard up or is hand out?


The point of this drill is to make everyone aware of how natural and easy it is to react to the energy of others by mirroring their energy. When someone acts defensive towards us (guard up), it is hard not to act defensive back. Likewise, when someone is friendly towards us (hand out), it is pretty easy to return the favor. The real challenge for us lays in the third example. When your cross paths with someone who has their guard up, can you resist the instinct to respond in turn and instead, put you hand out in a gesture of friendship? It is not easy and it takes a mindful effort, but the results can be stunning.

So the next time you find yourself in a hostile environment, I challenge you to resist your first instinct, no matter how strong, and really try to bring a hand of friendship. What happens can is pretty amazing.

Category: Point to Ponder

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About Dave Kovar

Mr. Kovar has been teaching Martial Arts professionally since 1978. Dave is a multi-style Black Belt who has been committed to ever-improving his Martial Arts skills. He updates this blog to provide tips and insights to martial arts instructors around the country. To learn more, click here.

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