Constantly Catch Your Kids Doing Something Right
Posted on | June 1, 2011 | No Comments
This is an excerpt my book, “A Dad’s Toolbox for Better Parenting”. This story is titled “Constantly catch your child doing things right” and it illustrates a great example of what not to do with your relationships.
As a child, I spent a lot of time down the street at the Gray family’s house. They had a pool, a billiards table and a whole lot of ice cream in the freezer. The only drawback was Mrs. Gray. All the kids referred to her as the “neighborhood nag.” She was constantly on both of her boys and, for that matter, her boys’ friends. Nothing was ever done well enough to suit her. She constantly found fault.
One day, Mr. Gray asked his sons and me to clean up the kitchen before Mrs. Gray got home. We went to it, almost excited as we anticipated Mrs. Gray’s compliment on a job well done. Upon her return, the boys raced out to meet her, excited to show her what we had accomplished. Instead of appreciating our efforts, she complained that the floor hadn’t been swept and the garbage had not been emptied. I remained friends with the Gray boys for years to come. I didn’t see them try to please their mother after that incident. After all, pleasing her was impossible. Why even try?
Over the years, their relationship with their mother continued to deteriorate until, last I heard, they no longer had contact with her. I know she loved her boys, but in her attempt to “make them better,” she never praised their efforts or caught them doing things right. Mrs. Gray taught me a lot of what not to do as a parent. Correcting my children is necessary at times, but I spend more time looking for what they’re doing right. The more I look, the more I discover.
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About Dave Kovar
Mr. Kovar has been teaching Martial Arts professionally since 1978. Dave is a multi-style Black Belt who has been committed to ever-improving his Martial Arts skills. He updates this blog to provide tips and insights to martial arts instructors around the country. To learn more, click here.
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